American Cock 69

The kinda-important declaration

America's Loudest Export

He is up before the sun, crowing louder than anyone asked for, and strutting like he personally signed the whole thing. No snooze button, no inside voice, no apologies.

Red, white, and feathered to the bone, with patina stars and a comb that flies at full mast. One bird, one flag, zero chill.

Born on the fourth of every July, and he will absolutely not let you forget it.